The Inkblotter at The King’s English

I know that I had said that I would do my next mommy blog on sleep, but I have recently read a couple of books here on vacation that I want to chat about first. Mina and I are in Turkey right now visiting relatives and I always bring tons of books to read. We are early risers and I need something to keep me occupied! I am really glad that I have had the time to read these books, which have been collecting dust on the shelf for so long.

I am trying to lay a foundation of expectations, I guess one might call it, for Mina–behavioral expectations. I worked in a day care center for two years before having Mina, specifically in the baby room. It was apparent to me that parenting is not always an innate ability and it is better to be forewarned and forearmed with information! So, when I was pregnant, I devoured baby books and now I am transitioning to toddlerhood with the “terrible two’s” rapidly approaching!

I bought the book Parenting with Love and Logic from TKE a few months ago and just sat down to read it Saturday. It was a pretty rapid read and I found the verbiage very accessible, the scenarios plausible and very relatable. I was surprised, however, to see that each chapter began with biblical Proverb excerpts. This was not a problem for me and they were not too preachy, but I am not a very religious person. Someone of a different faith may have a problem getting past that point because it does quote a religious text, but it would be a shame to let that stop you from reading this book.

I think I am going to start implementing many of the recommendations right now! For example, I liked the part about giving up control and putting it in the hands of the child in certain aspects because it fosters independent thinking and decision making. Too many kids relay on the parents to decide for them and it does not lay a firm foundation for the future. How will the kids ever be ready to enter the real world and decide how to live in it? So, the other day, instead of just putting shoes on Mina, I asked her what shoes she wanted to wear: Dinos. Ok. Fine. Sunday we went to the park and I brought her sweater. I asked her if she was cold, she said no. I left it at that. A few minutes later, she came up, signed “Cold, Sweater, in” and we put on her sweater. It is really working out well! Before we go out, I ask her if she wants to walk out by herself or carried. First she says walk, and then sometimes she puts her hands up after a few minutes and says “up”. I can see how this application can prevent tantrums and foster independent thought processes to develop naturally.

There is one story that really illustrates the basic parental command: “Put your coat on, it’s cold outside.” The kid says no and there is a tussle to get out the door. The example in the book recommends this instead: “It is cold outside. You might want to consider wearing a coat. I am because I don’t like being cold.” The child decides not to and is shivering the car, rethinking his decision. Is the kid going to catch a cold with a quick car ride? No, but the lesson he will learn will last a long time.

The other book that I am about done with is called Magic Trees of the Mind: How to Nurture your Child’s Intelligence, Creativity, and Healthy Emotions from Birth to Adolescence. Mom gave it to me months ago and I am just getting to it now. It has been really interesting to see how the brain functions with regard to learning and enrichment, how it grows and shrinks due to positive and negative influences at such early ages. The author, Marian Diamond, is a brain specialist and you can really feel her excitement for her work as you read.

I have to admit that I skimmed some of the basic brain segment information area–I am on borrowed time when Mina is sleeping, so I wanted to get to the juicy parts! The short version is, they conducted tests with rats in two different cages: one big and full of toys and friends and one small and isolated. Then they measured the size of the cortex. The rat from the bigger cage had a thicker cortex! In some instances, rats with no stimulation had no cortex growth at all. It is a very interesting read about how early treatment of children really affects their learning capabilities later in life.

It was unbelieveable to me how long lasting these early experiences chart the course for life. Another example : A girl is raised by a controlling father who decides what she eats, when she eats, and so on. She doesnt do anything before consulting him. Once she was removed from that environment and was asked what she wanted on her sandwich, she looked blank. The area of the brain that could have made that decision was stunted and she was, at that moment, physically unable to make that decision. The book also goes into how much reading and playing with children enrich their lives and give them such an advantage. Not only do they learn faster, they grow faster too! They said that the increased enrichment process also stimulates the brain metabolism and the kids grow faster, teeth come in faster, etc.

I guess I could go on and on with other examples, but you get the idea. There is a lot of science in this book, but the authors have main-streamed the researc for the everyday reader. Definitely something to read before you get pregnant or while you are pregnant, because i don’t think you will ever get the time to fully absorb all the science after the baby comes (unless you go on vacation!). ~ Elif

Goodness, it is hard to just start writing a first blog! Here goes the first installment of the “Mommy’s Quiet Time” series; we’ll start with the most helpful books I came across while I was pregnant with Mina. I was always reading something about kids, babies, childbirth; here are my favorites!

Easy Labor: Every Woman’s Guide to Choosing Less Pain and More Joy During Childbirth
I liked this book because it really went over all the different ways to help you through labor. It covered various natural methods and explained how they worked. It led me to decide to go with a doula instead of a midwife, and I was so happy that I did. They really did a good job of explaining various natural pain relievers that I had never previously heard of. For example, there is a procedure (forget what it is called) in which they inject water at the base of the tail bone and this (somehow!) relieves back pain. Who knew? It made natural childbirth not only possible, but less scary.

Natural Baby and Childcare: Practical Medical Advice and Holistic Wisdom for Raising Healthy Children
I picked this book up and found it to be a nice blend of natural healing methods coupled with traditional medicine. The book is a great reference for childcare from birth up to age 14. It is written by a pediatrician who turned to natural and/or homeopathic healing remedies for her patients. I think the best aspect of this book is that it combines natural and traditional remedies. The page is set up with both at once and you can make the best decision for you and your child. Sometimes, you might put sliced onions next to your child’s bed to relieve nasal congestion, other times you will hit the medicine cabinet and use Benydryl. Not only does it go over illnesses, it has chapters on breastfeeding, sleeping, what to expect at different ages, etc. It is very substantial and encompasses a variety of child-rearing subjects.

Attachment Parenting
My friend, Sunny, sent me this book and it really validated the way I was raising Mina. I think mothers these days have it rough — there is always someone to criticize the way you are doing this or that, and it makes you insecure and more likely to second-guess your mothering “gut instincts”. Attachment parenting is a very natural way to raise a child, but very different from our our mothers’ methods, which were more about structure and setting expectations for mom and baby. After I read this book, I was able to take a breath and say “Hey, I am not doing such a bad job after all! It’s OK if Mina sleeps with me sometimes… It’s ok if I carry her around with me. She will NOT turn into a spoiled child just because of all this so called ‘attention’.”

I wish I had had The Happiest Baby on the Block and Secrets of the Baby Whisperer before I had Mina. It would have made things a bit easier. They really go into babies, their rhythms, and how to relax into being a parent. I think I was so preoccupied with labor, the birthing process, and baby health that I forgot to read up on what happens when a baby comes HOME! DUH!

Misconceptions: Truth, Lies, and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood
This was a really honest book about the details of pregnancy and motherhood that no one tells you. Let me repeat: It is a very HONEST portrayal of the whole process, so only read it if you are pregnant. It was refreshing to read lots of things that you think about but never say to anyone else. Yes, it really does hurt when your feet swell and you retain water! I am not going to say anymore about this book because it’s one that you need to decide to read for yourself, when you are ready. Even though it was honest about what you are going through and what you WILL go through, it relaxed me. I knew what to expect, and that I wasn’t alone.

I have to say that I had a fantastic pregnancy; I pretty much felt like a big fat and happy buddha by the end of it all. Delivery… well… the best laid plans of mice and men… I did the best I could to prepare and we all came out healthy and happy in the end.

Well, until next time. We will be talking about sleep….or the lack of it! ~ Elif